This Woman Writes

Emotionally Needy or Emotionally Greedy?

2008-11-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Show me a man who calls their partner Emotionally Needy and I’ll show you a man who is Emotionally Greedy.

In an effort to avoid any admission of self inadequacies some men try to blame their counterparts for any shortcomings they might have in fulfilling their partner’s emotional needs. The quickest cop-out is to simply label their partners “Emotionally Needy”.

So what exactly does the term Emotionally Needy really mean? Are we “needy” because we expect our mate to consider and cater to our emotional needs in a sincere manner? Are we “needy” if our expectation is to have our mate listen attentively when we have pressing issues that require discussion to help us through the thought process? Are we “needy” if we expect a hug or physical contact at any time other than during sex? Are we “needy” if we expect more than a grunt every 24 hours in place of real conversation? Are we “emotionally needy” if we desire a mate that will “put us to bed” instead of just lie next to us in bed?

I think the real question that needs to be addressed here is why would you even consider giving up your wants and desires simply because another human being is unable to get beyond their own selfishness to try and accommodate your simple requests for fulfillment? Have you so little faith in your ability to create your own happiness that you are willing to surrender YOUR needs to an emotionally stunted being that only cares about their own fulfillment? A being who is unwilling to devote the most minimal of time to help you achieve emotional security and stability not realizing that it would then afford you the time and ability to reciprocate and simultaneously lift the both of you up?

When someone calls you Emotionally Needy your response should be one of a firm stance on what you fundamentally believe in based on what you know your value to be as a human being who deserves respect, commitment and sincerity.

YOU are responsible for knowing yourself best so that YOU can teach another to love you the way you need to be loved.

Your emotional needs are part of your total being. Those needs deserve and require fulfillment in order for you to be whole. Do not accept anything less than you deserve because in the end YOU will be the one who pays the price for the unhappy life you’ve led. YOU are the one who decides what is acceptable in your life. YOU are the one that sets the standards. YOU are the one person you can ALWAYS depend on .

Don’t give in to the greed of another who only desires to swallow you whole. Stand up and fight until YOU have what YOU need and what YOU want.

Always Kiss Me Good Night

2008-10-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

The magical good night kiss. An unattainable desire of the single woman who sleeps alone and continuously seeks to be held, desired, comforted and tucked into bed at night in a way that only another warm body can fully accomplish.
But is the single woman truly the only one that fails to receive that one, simplistic act of intimacy that somehow lulls us into a cradled sleep that promises visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads? Surely married women and those in otherwise committed relationships do not ever sleep alone nor have to lie awake longing for the soft caress of their mate’s lips upon theirs. Surely women in relationships have the distinct advantage of never feeling lonely, abandoned or undesired. After all, that’s what a relationship is all about, right? NEVER being alone. NEVER longing for love. ALWAYS feeling secure. And ALWAYS waking up in the arms of the one you love - the one that ALWAYS kisses you good night.
Why do we long for that good night kiss? Is it a seal of approval of some kind that somehow suggests that our duties as half of a relatively successful partnership have been accomplished for that day and that on the next day, should we once again accomplish our mission successfully, another reward of a good night kiss will be ours to seek and accept proudly? To wear as a badge of honor? To use as a point of reference in determining our self worth at the end of each hard-lived day?
While we all need the most basic of human interactions to survive our destined existence we cannot, if we seek to find the utmost fulfillment in this life, put such inflated values on perfunctory actions such as a good night kiss.
For those that have come out of committed relationships and are now single, life has undoubtedly changed. You are now faced with going out to eat alone, going to the movies alone, spending the weekends alone and going to bed alone. So what makes you equal or better than your counterparts who are still in relationships? Your ability to be THE deciding factor in the depth of your happiness.
The saying ”You have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else” is the ultimate commandment in living a successful and fulfilling singletary life. Your self-worth should never be dependent on the approval of another human being who may or may not be around when the going gets tough. Loving yourself means that you are so in tune with your own needs that instead of waiting endlessly for someone else to figure out what it takes to make you happy that you can literally hand them a detailed job description and then decide based on THEIR performance if they are adequate enough to handle your most prized possession – YOUR heart.
Being single has its cons but it also has it pros just as your committed counterparts can attest to. It’s as basic as making the best of what you have to work with. But when you’re working with yourself, you should always consider that as working with the best. You are the best that you could possibly offer yourself so why not take advantage of the intricate knowledge that only you have and start using it to make every day count? Only you should have the power to decide the WHATs, WHEREs, WHENs and most importantly the WHYs of your happiness.
A good night kiss? Yes, we all should get those every night. But have you not been blessed with softer and more caring lips than any other man out there? So go ahead, kiss yourself good night. ALWAYS kiss yourself good night and watch those sweet dreams come to life.

House of Hermits

2008-10-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

I never understood before how anyone could become a hermit but the older I get and the more I see the ugly side of human nature I relate more and more with the therapeutic qualities of living a solitary life. One of not having any expectations of anyone else but only of myself. One of not having to deal with nor compromise with the actions of others that do nothing to enhance nor elevate my life.

Disappointment is now a daily expectation of mine. I know that several people, several times during the day are going to disappoint me and even hurt me.

Is this a realistic view of the world and those around us? Is this all we have to gain in this life we live? Nothing but pain, sadness, discouragement, failure and regret?

Of course there are positives such as true friends but sometimes physical distance can be the interference that allows that friendship to only serve as a small tool to help endure and heal the wounds that outsiders who don't truly know or care about us inflict on us daily.

I understand that we have a big hand in creating our current and future existence but I truly also believe that fate has an even bigger hand in this matter. I believe that there are some things we have no control over and no matter what efforts or methods we use we cannot deter the path of fate in our lives.

We make decisions daily that determine the eventual outcome of our lives. Those decisions, no matter how small, all add up to monumental effects on amounts of successes, failures, happy and sad days and every other aspect that culminate to make our lives such as it is/was at the end of the road.